Off The Set
by Syaoran no Miko
Summary: The CCS cast get surreal. Big time. No offense intended. XD


> > This silly short is affectionately dedicated to Jin, with hugs and thanks for all her encouragement and support and the fun we've had together this past year. Many apologies for not keeping in touch regularly. ^^; Start *writing*, girl! Don't keep us all waiting! ^_^****
>> 
>> Off The Set: Card Captor Sakura
>> 
>> Warning: Contains alternate pairings for parody's sake, total and extreme OOC-ness, mild yuri and shounen-ai. Do *not* take this fic seriously. I don't intend anything by it. :p
>> 
>> Standard disclaimers apply. CCS and all its respective characters are © CLAMP and associates, etc. 
>> 
>> *CRASH*
>> 
>> "CUT!"
>> 
>> "THAT'S *IT*! I'M NOT FILMING ANYMORE, DAMNIT!" Tsukishiro Yukito kicked aside the potted plant he had knocked over, sucked in a gulp of air, and glared at the director and his fellow CCS cast with a slightly maniacal gleam in his eye. 
>> 
>> "What are you so pissed off about?" Kinomoto Touya coolly snorted. "Ahou. Do you have to find fault with every scene we shoot?"
>> 
>> Yukito whirled on him, murder in his face. "Urusai! I **certainly, absolutely, positively** REFUSE to continue playing a stupid Judgement Maker ghost-thing who can't even control his alter ego!"
>> 
>> "Ah crap, you just don't want to wear the wig and contacts again, *Yuki*." Touya smirked, folding his arms in the way a Cool High School Student (tm) always does.
>> 
>> If looks could have killed, Touya would have dropped dead on the spot. 
>> 
>> "Well FINE! But do you have *any* idea how *heavy* that frickin' heap of white hair *is*?! Not to mention I wind up with sore eyes every time I use those stupid purple lenses! And those thrice-damned wings ALWAYS give me backache!"
>> 
>> "Oh, quit it!" Sakura snapped, glaring at him with her small hands on her hips. "If you hate being Yue so much, why did you sign the contract in the first place? CLAMP-sama let you see a detailed outline of the script!"
>> 
>> "Like hell they did! They only told me I would be playing a spiritual role'--I was expecting a priest character or something of the sort!"
>> 
>> There was a resounding crash as the other cast members smashed their faces into the ground. Sakura was the first to pick herself up, slapping a hand to her forehead. "Of all the dim-witted IDIOTS in the world, I swearyou *know* what CLAMP-sama are like! You should have insisted they show you the storyline!"
>> 
>> "How was *I* to know? And why do you always insist being at odds with me off-screen, brat?!"
>> 
>> "I'm not a brat, you conceited pretty boy! Take *that*!" She stomped on his foot firmly, and Yukito howled.
>> 
>> "Why you little squirt!"
>> 
>> "Nyah~! At least *I* read the whole script before filming started!" 
>> 
>> "I swear I'm gonna strangle you"
>> 
>> "Would you STOP it! Please, please, stop quarrelling, the two of you! Youdisrupting the harmony of my ki-balance" Li Syaoran's voice trailed off in a choked sniffle, and the two bickering cast members hurriedly shut up. 
>> 
>> "Last time he cried, he broke the sound barrier," Sakura muttered flatly to Yukito. "I still can't believe I'm supposed to work with such a waterspout."
>> 
>> Yukito shrugged. "Guess an actor can't always pick his supporting cast." 
>> 
>> Unfortunately, Syaoran had overheard both their comments, and he now stared at them in consternation. "Hidoiyou really mean you hate me that much?" His lower lip trembled, his eyes growing large and shimmery. Sakura and Yukito gulped, hurriedly sticking their fingers in their ears and sending prayers up to heaven that their hearing organs would escape being shattered.
>> 
>> "WAAA-uff" S and Y blinked, looked up, and saw that Touya had taken Syaoran into his arms, muffling the Chinese boy's wails with his jacket, comforting him in a voice that was nauseatingly saturated with care and concern. "Hey, don't cryyou're doing a great job! Don't care what those two twits say, *I* like you, okay?" Touya then shot a glare at the guilty pair, who sweatdropped. "Knock off the scrapping, you two bakas. Can't you see how much you upset Syao-chan every time you do it? Honestly" 
>> 
>> Syaoran sniffled, looked up at the (much) taller boy, and flung his arms around Touya's waist. "Waah! You're the only one who cares for me around here!"
>> 
>> "DaijoubuI'll always be here for you" Pastel sparklies and floating flower petals suddenly appeared out of nowhere and surrounded the embracing boys, accompanying the soft, shoujo-type music that had started playing.
>> 
>> Sakura and Yukito facefaulted.
>> 
>> "I canNOT stand those two" Yukito ground out between gritted teeth.
>> 
>> Sakura shook her head. "That has to be the understatement of the year."
>> 
>> "Sakura-cha~n" a high-pitched voice purred, or tried to purr, at any rate. Two slim arms snaked around Sakura's waist, pulling the green-eyed girl back against a body that was the same height as her ownand as female as her own.
>> 
>> "Tomoyo-chan." Sakura heaved a relieved sigh, leaning back into the purple-haired girl's hold. "The only person on this set who still retains a modicum of common sense. Besides me, that is."
>> 
>> Yukito snorted.
>> 
>> "Poor baby," Tomoyo murmured, ignoring Yukito and stroking Sakura's short, silky hair soothingly. "I take it Li-kun and Touya are at it again?"
>> 
>> "Obviously. I wonder if my so-called Onii-chan' realises their relationship is shotakon."
>> 
>> "The pervert probably doesn't care, more like it." Tomoyo cast a disdainful eye at the engrossed couple, totally oblivious to anything or anyone around them. Sakura glanced their way too, and quickly turned away with a shudder. She had *not* needed to see two boys Frenchingeww.
>> 
>> "They are hopeless," a new voice snorted in agreement. "It is somewhat curious that all of us were cast in roles the opposite of our real personalities."
>> 
>> "Cerberus!" Yukito cried, brown eyes lighting up. "My friend, where were you? You haven't shown up since yesterday!"
>> 
>> The orange-yellow winged creature blinked beady eyes behind a large pair of glasses. "Ah. I believe I was. Apologies, Yukito-san. I visited the local library and found some deeply fascinating epistles on Chinese philosophyand consequently lost track of time. I trust everything went well during filming?"
>> 
>> "Think again."
>> 
>> Cerberus blinked a second time. "Oh, my. In actual fact, you *do* look a little frazzled. Would you like to tell me about it? It is not beneficial for one to repress one's feelings, if you take my meaning. Was this unrest of mind brought about by the fact that the role of Yue is so demanding?"
>> 
>> Yukito's eyes shone. "Oh, Cerberus, that's why I've missed you so much! You're the only one around here who understands how I really feel!" The pair moved off, Cerberus nodding his head gravely in response to the flood of injured words Yukito was spouting.
>> 
>> Sakura rolled her eyes. "And _that_ is the guy I'm supposed to be crushing on," she deadpanned. "Aren't I a lucky girl."
>> 
>> "But you've got me, right?" Tomoyo flipped her long tresses back with a toss of her head, tightening her hold about Sakura's waist. "Don't let them get to you--your lovely face will have wrinkles if you don't quit grimacing so much."
>> 
>> Sakura giggled. "Flatterer." Tomoyo smirked.
>> 
>> The director cleared her throat.
>> 
>> "Uhguys?"
>> 
>> Nobody responded. The director looked around--Syaoran and Touya were still clinging together doing things that were best left unsaid, likewise Sakura with Tomoyo, and Yukito and Cerberus were having an animated discussion on the philosophies of ancient China.
>> 
>> A small bead of sweat ran down the director's head.
>> 
>> "Guys?"
>> 
>> Still no response. 
>> 
>> No help for it. The director sighed, and pulled out her Usagi Tsukino Wail Amplifier (tm) from hammerspace. "GUUYS!!"
>> 
>> Everybody winced simultaneously, slamming their hands over their ears. Six pairs of eyes stared at the director murderously.
>> 
>> Said director sweatdropped once more. "Umcould we start filming again?"
>> 
>> Six pairs of eyes looked at one another, then back at her. Six mouths opened and spoke in unison.
>> 
>> "What do *you* think?"
>> 
>> And with that, they all returned to their previous activities--only Touya had pulled Syaoran up a tree, Tomoyo had dragged Sakura behind a bush, and Yukito and Cerberus were now meditating over steaming cups of green tea.
>> 
>> The long-suffering director heaved a sigh. And yet another wonderful film shoot with the happy CCS cast had passed. Joy. Shi Lin shrugged, tossed her copy of the script over her shoulder, and went in search of aspirin. Maybe she *shouldn't* have taken this job after all
>> 
>> Then she thought of all the shots she had of nekky Touya and Yukito in the changing rooms courtesy of the hidden camera, and grinned wickedly.
>> 
>> Hell with it--*some* things were worth her sanity.
>> 
>> And finally, demented laughter could be heard as a shorthaired Chinese girl somehow pulled an oar out of her pocket, sat on it, and rose up to loop the loop in the sky a la a certain blue-haired Reikai guide.
>> 
>> ~* owari *~
>> 
>> ****
>> 
>> Notes:
>> 
>> 1) ** **-- this quote was stolen from T.A Barron's kickass Merlin' series, where Shim uses it. ^_^ I thought it would be fun to put it in.
>> 
>> 2) The timeframe for this one would be sometime during the final testing' of Sakura, since Eriol doesn't appear. ^^ Who knows? Maybe I'll write a sequel to this set in the Sakura Card arc where I can mutilate Eriol, Suppy and Nakuru as well! _*readers scream and take off like bats in hell*_
>> 
>> (Just a thought: I'm actually capable of writing short AN. Scary, no? o_o)
>> 
>> Ja ne~!
>> 
>> --Syaoran no Miko


End file.
